Someone once told me, that I need to "wake up"..

To my understanding, there was nothing between us. I was just a friend. We were coworkers. You were back with your boyfriend. For the sake of being comfortable at work, I had no choice but to move on. With enough time.. I did.

I was fine until we started talking again..

The term, "just friends" is neglected.

If you're with someone you love, we shouldn't be talking unless it's work-related.

When you say things like, "I think I made a mistake going back to him," or telling me we could've happened, it breaks me because I still have unresolved feelings, when I know we won't happen. A part of me wishes this would stop..

..while the other part still thinks about you, but I can't torture myself anymore. You say things that have me wondering if there would be more, but do I stick around until I find out? It's my own damn fault for reacting, and feeling the way I do.. because I pushed you away, and now I'm letting you back in.

Lowering Self-Value

I had a moment when I felt like my future would become stagnant. I didn't make things happen. I had to remember that I needed to build up the momentum for results.

And so I continue, creating on.
Round two: FIGHT!

Avoiding Contamination

Found myself to be real irritable lately, do I dare make this a rant?

I stopped caring about everything around me.. except for the following:

- my well-being, who else is going to care?

- my music, and MUSIC in general; to keep my sanity

- my best friends and family

- my priorities and interests

There are people who take pride in unnecessary shit. Tyler Durden best put it.. 

"Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions."

If it's not the street racing scene, it's the fashion scene. Dance scene. Party scene. I do know people who are into the following: it still gets on my nerves, but they're exceptions.. 

The only time I care about cars/trucks/SUV's is when it needs necessary maintenance. I don't give a shit about trends, or the way other people dress in general. It's considered self-expression. Start worrying about it when it's considered indecent exposure, or when Lady Gaga brainwashes humanity. I'm sure Batman can handle that bitch.

"Ignorance is bliss."

The world is unpredictable. Who knows what's gonna happen, really.

I haven't watched TV for the longest. The moment I do, I feel as if my mind has been poisoned. I stopped giving a shit about pop culture and their so-called example of "reality". I don't know exactly how to put it into words. My opinion? E! Channel's the worst. Entertainment is better off being fiction, you know? I REALLY don't care what these celebrities or musicians/bands do outside of their careers, unless they were people I knew personally. I don't give a shit if a celebrity has weight problems or a drug/alcohol addiction. Even if these people are supposed to set good examples for those who look up to them, they should have some common sense to know that shit like doesn't benefit them in the long run, other than being able to say that you've done it. If it were me, I wouldn't appreciate my life being entertainment for others.

The thought of this whole thing gives me a headache.

I digress.

Do what you love and fuck the rest. 

Villian's Victory

I finally saw Tron yesterday. It was beautifully done, indeed.. although the whole time I was thinking that I should probably be on drugs right now, which made me hate it just a bit. Why? The neon lights and music soundtrack composed by Daft Punk. In general, I think I should add that to the collection of movies. It also decided that I do want to get my motorcycle license. That won't be for a while, though.

Crushed pretty hard by Olivia Wilde as "Quorra" --I've changed all aspirations to what I look for in and on a women. Yes, it does include the neon-lit bodysuit, *bites knuckle*.

I've been on this week "staycation" from work. Aside from the daily workouts to the nightly inebriations, I wish I had another week to pull myself together. I embarrassed at work by unraveling a ghost that continued to haunt me into a new level of my personal life. I used to be really good at concealing my emotions. I can't explained exactly what I let happened. I just knew that I needed a break.

Do I rely on a blastoff into euphoria, or shall I remain grounded with reality? The moon is a beautiful place. The gloves are on, and the next hit engages what those regret.

Spacedust

I remember in kindergarten, I was recognized for my artistic ability. It continued throughout the years of elementary school. Painting, mosaic portraits, caricatures, and first place for minor contests that best displayed fire safety, or healthy eating. Voted "most artistic" of my class in every grade. I took pride in that. It was all I had.

I'm an adult, trying to regain the inspiration I once had as a kid. My music is depending on it.